Ashley 5/30

One Page. 

Creative. Hardworking. Energetic. 

That's a lie. 

Sluggish at times. 

Sluggish when unmotivated. 

Needing encouragement. 

Independent to a fault. 

Won't ask for help. 

Too proud. 

"Bossy"

Self-motivated worker.

Not motivated to do laundry. 

Ever. 

Lover of 80's pop music and hair bands. 

Not Lazy, unmotivated. 

Not at all lacking direction. 

Not motivated. 

Removing the unnecessary. 

Too much clutter. 

Working to reduce clutter. 

Suffocated by clutter. 

Suffocated by loneliness. 

Lonely. Heartbroken. Enough. 

Unfulfilled with day to day. 

Looking for that element. 

Harvesting a spark. 

Full of Promise. 

Worrier, Anxiety, Promise. 

More self actualized than most. 

Overwhelmed. Exhausted. 

Running the show. 

It's all just a show. 

Overwhelmed. 

Full of Promise. 

Ashley 4/30

Ashley 3/30

How long will you sit?
Now is the time to go- move. 
Today, you do you. 

Ashley 2/30

He told me my hygiene is poor.
Instant reaction: Fuck. You.
It's an awful thing to say to someone
that is practically a stranger.
Seeing someone twice a year
doesn't make you "friends."

He tried to play it cool,
telling me that some serious care
would make it all go away.

I teared up, trying desperately
to tilt my head to the side
as I laid back in that steril room.
Maybe it will leak out of the corner
and he
      Won't.
           Even.
                Notice.
I don't think he did.

Of course I don't want to lose them.
I've had them my entire life.
He told me that it was like taking
a tiny rubber band and
"thwacking" them repeatedly.
"Be nice to yourself," he said.

It's always been my barometer.
That and how tidy my room is.
They fall to the way side
when things are hard.

Sometimes, it's difficult
to make these things a priority.

Ashley 1/30

I feel it in my bones.
Like all else, it comes in the night
Exploding- burning.

Direct contact feels harmful
I feel my whole body, head first
                                               slipping.

Hiding in the cushions,
gone until the next cleaning
or a good flossing.

Crumpled paper soldier,
tossed aside, assuming
this is what "normal" feels like.

Every cell tingles,
the atoms make themselves known.
The entire planet is aware
the grief is universal.

Breakable bones
Unknown parts of ourselves
Disheveled and feeling
purely human.

2/30 Sarah

Grow.
Growth.
Growing.
Develop, advance, age.

These pains, they anger the hunger in the belly of my shins.
As I get older,
I notice the curves of my thighs a little more.
I start to envy the young spring flowers.

Full blood orange moon,
I anticipated hysteria. Yet nothing was brought except -

External quiet.
I want nothing to do with my mouth.
I want not yet to speak.
I want to say nothing, let you do all the talking.

I'll let you do it
and you let me go through my aging pains.
Let me be quiet and hold this in my heart & song.
Hold it in my stomach song,
my aging pains they sing to me
they sing to me oh -

Sarah 1/30

Me/You

ME:

My legs are tired from all the standing still,

and my lungs they hurt from exalting your praises. 

I repeat the myth created,

does it do me any good?

Do we believe the things we tell each other?

The things we tell ourselves?

How you are the field,

I am the woman pushing away the corn stalks.

Plucking golden cones -

shaving all the gold

the charm.

Singing. Yelling. Screaming your praises.

The work. Oh the work.

How I've worked. 

How I've worked your praises into the earth.

How I've folded everything in. Turned it in.

What do I expect?

YOU:

Are terrifying.

The one good thing to come into my life.

Like a sale shelf,

I am the housewife on the sidewalk looking in.

I cannot turn away.

I am drawn in.

Bring me good fortune.

Bring me fame.

Bring me a happy home.

Master of the shop, you keep me here. 

Although I will return, I ask if your wares will come with me. 

Have I saved enough? Have I worked hard enough to take you home?