Ashley 6/30-

6/30

An unexpected wave from behind-
Grabbed me by the ribs
sinking it's teeth into all of my soft parts.
Ankles and head meet in a tizzy,
Gasping in a salt water sea.
Leaking from every hole in my face-
Frustration, Heartbreak, Disappointment
Mistrust, Confusion, Loneliness.

It was a turbulent open sea,
Full of picket fence, craftsman style home, bungalow.
Warm beach vacations-
Lovely dinners, amazing friendship.
Birthday adventures, sexual chemistry...
Secrets, discomfort, lies.
Lies, fear, imaginary shackles, lack of faith.
Emptiness just for the sake of familiarity-
Out of habit.

You are not in control
I was not in control
There needs to be faith-
all that is around you is turbulent
as the sea is a flighty temptress.
You can invest everything you have
into steering that ship,
But she makes the calls.

I know now that it is best not to attempt
to sail your ship directly into a storm.
Bad call.
One's love of the sea need not overpower
the inherent need for survival.
Once she calms she brings all you need-
Appreciation, Respect, Love
Trust, Fulfillment, Promise.
There is nothing wrong with being on shore.
There are good times and bad times
to pursue the sea.

It was a bad time, for both of us.
I wish you had just made a call sooner,
I wish I had accepted it sooner
I could have avoided drowning.